Back in the States...for now

This post comes almost a year after leaving for Kenya in June, 2017. It has been many months since leaving Tharaka, and though I only spent 12.5 days there, I feel like I'm missing home. The first few days back in the States were strange. My emotions were all over the place. I missed so terribly the people I had just left on the other side of the world: a people who looked and lived differently than me, yet somehow weren't all that different. I missed them and the ache would not go away.

That ache was familiar, however. When I left Ecuador a year earlier, I felt the same way. As the plane took off from Quito to bring me back to the States, I prayed for God to bring me back to that place. Soon after returning home, though, the desire faded away. I waited for it to fade away with Kenya, too. But it didn't. I even offered it back to God. I told Him that, "if this desire is not from you, and is just my own emotions, then please take it away...but please, don't take it away."

I have spent nearly every day since returning from Kenya longing to go back. I'd jump on a plane tomorrow if I could. I fell in love with a little girl there, and I can't explain the feelings I have for her and for Tharaka. It doesn't make sense, at least to my human mind. I look at the pictures of my trip to Ecuador and of the kids, and sure, I miss them, but it's not like the feelings I have when I see pictures of Emily and my trip to Kenya.

When I left Kenya last summer, leaving Emily and Stella and Susan and Leenya and everyone else behind, I had no idea when I'd see them again. or if.

I don't know what God is doing, but this July, I'll be heading to Arusha, Tanzania, and Tharaka, Kenya. I'm beyond excited to head back to Tharaka! And I'm excited to see how Tanzania fits into all of this, whatever God is doing. I know, though, that whatever it is, it's good, because He only has good for me.

So excited that my friend Jessi is coming to Kenya again with me!
After meeting last summer, I didn't know when I'd see her again.
Jessi's thoughts on Kenya: "I come here all the time."
Mine: "Well, I live here."
We speak things into being. <3 

June 30, 2017- Day 13

We left Tharaka this morning to drive to the Sweetwater Game Park. Leaving was hard. I gave Emily a letter I wrote her last night.

After staff chapel, I said bye to Leenya (Teacher Lillian). She took my hand and put a necklace in it that she wanted me to have. We both cried. She said some words through tears, but mostly it was tears.

After this, I found my Emily in Standard 4 and hugged her once more, saying I'd see her later. Ugh. Leaving is so hard. I then headed to the clinic to say goodbye to the ladies and Julianna that I had prayed every morning with that week. They asked me to pray for them, so I did. It was such an honor. After prayer, I hugged them all, going back to hug Stella twice. That second hug, though, she pulled away, taking me by the hand and leading me to the clinic's porch. There, she hugged me and we both wept. Then, she took me by the hand, picked up my water bottle I had set down, and led me to the bus, where we said goodbye through tears.

My room in Tharaka.

Juliana Staub

June 29, 2017- Day 12

I have so loved gathering in the chapel each morning with the staff for worship and devos. I will so miss this daily gathering of worship.

12:59 p.m.

Today has been a productive day so far. I did circle time with the Kindergartners this morning, painted the signs in the yards, and did the tractor shape/color art activity with the Kindergarten class, too. 

6:10 p.m.

I just had the best moment with Emily (who is HIV positive). I came around the corner of the chapel and, seeing her, called her name. She turned and ran to me, throwing her arms around me in a hug. I embraced her back, hugging for a long while in silence. Finally, she spoke. Her little voice said, "You are leaving tomorrow." I said that yes, I was leaving in the morning, though I didn't want to. I said, 

"You belong to Jesus, yes?"

"Yes," she said.

"And I belong to Jesus, yes?"

"Yes."

"And where do when go when our time here is done?"

"Heaven."

"Yes. So, if I do not see you again here on this earth, I will see you in Heaven."

I looked down at her face, and saw a tear streaking from her eye down her cheek. My tears flowed all the more, then. All the while we never stopped hugging. This was my favorite moment of the day, and perhaps of the whole trip.

9:35 p.m.

After dinner, we went to devos with the kids one last time. We had a dance party with glow sticks. Emily taught me a hand-clap, and I had so much fun dancing with her. It was amazing to see all these kids with glow sticks in the dark on the playground Bill built. All you could see was moving and bouncing glow sticks.

A beautiful moment happened in the midst of it. Emily was climbing up on the slide, and as she went down, she called out for me to watch her. I lost her in the dark as she slid down the slide, but she didn't lose me. A moment later, out from the dark, she thudded into me, wrapping her arms around my waist. Several times she did this, and each time I loved it. 

After devos, when I hugged Emily good night, she wrapped her arms around me sooo tightly. I promise to pray for her....