Simple Trust

So, I'm about to leave for this country I've never been to before. But, before that, I will be meeting my team, the majority of whom I've never met before. Then, I'm going to fly with those people to a country I've never been to before to be the hands and feet of Jesus to a people who feel like they've been forgotten.

And I'm scared.

I thought I'd be able to write on this blog while I was there, but I won't be. Connection will be scarce.

But, this trip is not the only thing I'm scared of. I'm anxious about the future...my future. I'm on a journey, and have been for a while. I'm being told that this journey could come to an end at the end of this summer. And that would be a very good thing. But, I'm just not sure what I think about it. I have so many questions. About so many things.

And the thing Jesus keeps bringing me back to is trust. Simple trust. I say it's simple, but it so isn't. At least it doesn't seem to be. It's so hard. I need courage to do it. I need the guts to trust Him...to trust that He knows what He is doing with me. To trust that His plan for me is good. To trust that I can trust Him. To simply trust.

And He knows this. He knows it's hard. And I have this view of Him that He's angry with me that I don't trust Him...that He's frustrated with me that I struggle with trusting Him. But, that's a lie. A good Father understands. A good Father is patient. A good Father waits for His daughter. A good Father loves despite her struggle to trust. And He provides reminders, as many times as she needs Him to, that she can trust Him.

Wednesday, I found two pennies. Today, I found five. And for some reason, today my friend who cuts my hair gave me a rock in the shape of a heart. I don't know why...she just did. If you know anything about me at all, you'd know that God speaks to me through hearts and when I find pennies, it's God asking me if I trust Him with the stuff I'm worrying about. Knowing those things, you'd know that these findings are significant to me.

He's asking me if I trust Him. Maybe He's asking me if I will trust Him. I think I've been saying 'No.' I'm scared. Again, He knows this.

When I found the pennies on Wednesday, I was reminded of a penny I have here at home. I got it several years ago from a Christian Motorcycle Ministry. It has a cross cut in it. I wore it for several years as a bracelet or necklace. It's lost its shine, as I've worn it in the shower time and time again. I felt prompted to wear it again, as my reminder to trust Him. As I put some string on it, I contemplated where I was going to wear it. I decided to wear it on my ankle. I guess you can say it's my reminder to walk in trust.

I suppose when you decide to trust, fear has no place. This journey I'm on, both to Africa and personally, has a lot of unknowns. I have a lot of questions and uncertainty. And it's quite uncomfortable, not to mention scary. But, when I look at Christ and who He is, I know I can trust Him. There are several people in my life whom I know I can trust. How much more so, then, can I trust the One who made me and them? He holds me in His hands and I know He won't let go. Because of that, I can walk in simple trust.